You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I party with great urgency now.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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