remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
