shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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