video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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