After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
