New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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