that's an acceptable place to lick
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
