he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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