There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
