Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
