his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
