i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize