How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
