Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
What happened to fro yo and sex?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
