ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i out mim tonsoeep
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize