So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
