Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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