are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
