i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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