god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
