I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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