i just wanna soil my oats bro
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
