Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
