I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
