2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
