My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize