i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
