Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
