no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
