All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
