i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize