I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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