yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
