Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize