I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize