gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
