I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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