She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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