sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
worst night to have a conscience
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
