i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
