I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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