im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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