This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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