Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
