My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
