two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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