Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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