i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
