i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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