If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize