question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
