Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
