phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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