I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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