I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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