does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
