He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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