Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I will be naked everywhere
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
