I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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