I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
