glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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