we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
