dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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