pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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