google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
