I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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