Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
