You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
