why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
