You just made me feel so damn special
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
