TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
