went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
