can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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