someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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