She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
