I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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